Home And Family

Home transition is difficult for preschool and young elementary children with parents in a conflicted divorce. Stability is the number one effort of therapists performing custody evaluations and yet many judges order multi-week sleep overs or worse, alternating months. Children under three may suspect a parent is dead when they “disappear” for days or weeks. Telephone contact several times a day is essential if a child is missing a parent or seems sad and listless. A couple can rearrange visitations, if the decision is mutual and in writing, to help out children who are having a difficult time adjusting regardless of what the court has ordered

A child does not “get over” being away from a beloved parent, they just quit complaining about it, feel powerless and resentful. If there are substance abuse problems, yet a parent wants to spend time with his or her child, ask for a sober and drug free visitation in court. The next girl friend or boyfriend of your ex-spouse should become your best friend as he or she will sometimes be in charge of your children’s welfare and happiness. Never use your children to fight with your Ex, as courts see that as parental alienation and you may lose your visitation rights. At the first sign of a divorce, seek out an experienced and impartial therapist to help angry parents avoid making terrible parenting mistake.

Schedule a fun time at the park or a special time with a new toy that involves parental interaction and expect an emotional meltdown from the stress of transition. Do not punish the child, but try to distract and reassure them that everything is ok. The reaction has nothing to do with loving one parent more than the other, rather it is from stress. Never say an unkind word about your child’s parent. Never.

Molly Barrow, Ph.D. has been interviewed on NBC News, PBS, Fox TV and in O Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday, New York Times, CNN and Menstuff.org. Dr. Barrow is the author of Matchlines for Singles, Matchline for Couples, and Malia and Teacup, the self-esteem building adventure series for children. To schedule or consult with Dr. Barrow, or to purchase books, please visit http://www.drmollybarrow.com.