Parenting Vivian | 15 Aug 2010 07:26 am
When and How to Tell Your Child That He-She Is Adopted
This is not an easy thing, for sure. Telling that he/she is adopted would be a hard job for you. And, imagine how she/he feels.
You wonder, when would be the best time to announce the truth? And, how should you say it?
The best time to let him/her know is since the first time you see him/her. If it抯 baby, do it by the time he/she might understand any of this talk about adoption (as young as two is good enough). If it抯 a bigger kid (two or more), it抯 better to tell him/her from day one so it is easier for you to maintain relationship with them.
Some people say, the sooner they found out about the truth, the better. Yet, there are some others who wait until the kid gets at least six to eight years old.
However, there are those who wait too long. Worse, these parents never plan to tell the kid. And, at the end, he/she finds out by him/herself. Can you imagine how much it hurts them, to find out not from the adopting parents themselves?
That is why, the best thing to do is to tell them as early as possible.
No, how do you do it?
You wish to do it in the gentlest way possible for you don抰 want to hurt them.
Some parents use books. They buy those children books telling about adoption. They bring up the conversation from the book.
Some others just tell him/her like that without forgetting to explain the reason why he/she is adopted. If the kid is young enough, no need to give the details about his/her biological parents, later on when he/she grows up and wishes to see them. Yet, tell him/her that his/her real parents actually love them so much and this big love is one of the reasons why they give him/her up, for a better life.
Also, never forget to show how this kid brings happiness to your family. How he/she is desired. How you love them so dearly. That way, you can avoid them from feeling hurt.